Spoiler Alert-I'm griping about things that are either beyond my control or beyond my will to correct.

I'm fucking lonely right now.  It's 12:30 in the morning and I got out of work a half hour ago.   Work was alright, nothing spectacular but it almost always leaves me wanting some sort of meaningful human interaction.  I get to ruin peoples days at my job on a fairly regular basis.  The thing is, that it's up to me whether or not I want to ruin them.  Generally the decision boils down to if I feel they are or are not being a dick to me personally.  I understand that, chances are, their day hasn't gone to well considering that they end up at my place of work.  I also understand that I could, potentially turn their day around with my magical pharmacy powers.  I don't want to.  I want to make them feel shitty.  I pull enjoyment from this, getting back at people in a regular and meaningful way.  Then, when I have time to dwell I see the insignificant piece of shit that would willfully impede someone's well being.  This is what I have to look forward to for a long time, if not the rest of my working career. 

I cannot find a decent Slacker station.  Everything I turn to ends up to be quite depressing.  Ingrid Michaelson, Metric, Decemberists, they all have the common element of Death Cab for Cutie which fucking crushes my will to live.  I really wish that I had something upbeat to listen to right now.  Even Electric Six winds it's way back to DCfC.  Why the hell is that?  It makes no sense.

I perused the Yamstein pics that Jewps was kind enough to upload.  That, if anything, is why I feel so goddam lonely right now.  The thing is, that it's not even not being at the party.  What kills me is that I didn't really want to go.  Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with Jewps and Shawn, Matt, Beth, and Ging when he's around as well as a few others that I can't think of right now and have no intention on digging names for.  There are new people to the group which I don't want to get to know.  It sounds stupid and self defeating, and really, it is.  I don't want to go through the process of making new friends, but I desperately want friends to hang out with.  It's so fucking dumb.  Seriously, Louis the XIV on the E6 station?  Kill me now, please. 

In conclusion, I love my daughter of a year and my wife of nearly 2 years.  I love my friends and desperately miss them.  I love being close to my parents who I really didn't like being apart from when I was in the 603.  I'm having a hard time finding enjoyment out of these few things.  I could make new friends if I wanted to but until I magically come with that desire I'll make due with what I have.

End self-pity rant.

Shaws has a sale on sausages this week.  You buy some and they give you peppers and onions for free.  It's a tasty sausage, peppers, and onions meal for pretty cheap.  Sarah whipped it up and it was quite tasty.

Actually I think it was one of the dogs.  My father-in-laws dog to be precise, not because she's sick...but because she's retarded.  So, it's been over a month since I've updated and what a month it's been. 

The three of you already know this, but Sarah's pregnant.  At first I was just really really excited and happy.  These emotions sort of overrode the feeling of fear, and dread, and inadequacy that were lying underneath the whole time. Now, like zombies, they've risen from the depths and are currently chewing on scalp to get some of that o' so nutritious brain.

I've been reading books and researching this whole baby thing in my spare time and it's starting to feel like I want an extension on this whole 9-month gestational period thing.  There's so much more that I feel I need to do to get ready for this baby than I can in the 8 months I have left.  She's due August 4th by the way.  We found that out at the Ringling Brother's OB/GYN.  Seriously that place was shit.  The secretaries were fucking annoying and stupid and the doctor was trying to scam me out of money by scheduling Sarah for a billion fucking appointments a month.

Christmas happened by accident last Saturday night.  I finished my shopping for the wife and when I came home she asks "what'd I get?" and opens the bags...really?  Yeah.  Really.  So we just sort of exchanged early.  I got some pretty slick new dad clothes.  There's this wicked awesome argyle sweater, a sweater vest, and dark grey Mr Roger's cardigan.  So now, at least, I can look the part.

Other than that nothing really spectacular happened.  I went to the holiday party at my old CVS.  It was ok...a little awkward, but fun for the most part.  One of the pharmacists invited me and I don't think everyone knew that I'd be there...

Sarah's been off her medication for about a week now and her moods are fast and furious.  It's kind of like the movie but instead of tokyo drifting.  It's anger and depression with a smattering of giggles.  Right now, my main concern is to get her to see a better doctor.  The one that we saw wanter her to quit straight up...but that's not a good idea.  We spoke to her regular doc and she said to stagger off of them, like one every 2-3 days.  From the way Sarah's been talking...I think she just quit.  It worries me.  Alot. 

Lately Sarah's been talking alot about missing our old apartment.  It might have something to do with us living with her dad now that he's out on indefinite medical leave.  This whole house situation is turning out to be not at all what we were sold in the first place.  First of all, I'm about 99% sure that this isn't our house.  I'm pretty sure that Sarah's dad is not using our money to fix the place up but instead stockpiling it for cheeseburgers or something.  On one hand as long as we live here we'll have a built in babysitter, which is very nice.  On the other, we're living with my wife's dad.  Awkward central.

That's it for me.

It's always a good idea to go to bed angry.  As is the case right now.  Sarah is pissed.  I'd say for about half of a good reason.  Apparently some time ago I agreed to learn to tango.  Which, don't get me wrong, I'd like to do.  However she feels that if we learn to tango through youtube it prepares us to tango in public. 

I don't feel this.  If I'm going to tango in front of people I'm going to learn through an actual instructor.  She, it seems, intended that we learn to youtango by the reception.  Now the huge problem with this is that we never have time together.  Ever.  She sleeps until noon/1pm while I'm doing all the shit I need to get done during the day.  Then we both go to work.  I'm tired and ready for bed by 11 and she's up and ready to go until early the next morning.  I'm sure you can see the inherent difficulties.

So suffice it to say, I'm going to go take out my contacts and try and prep myself for some hardcore appologizing.  Fun times.